Getting clear on what you want: For most people, this is the biggest obstacle living the life they desire.
From what I have seen, a lot of people focus so much on the means that they lose sight of the ends. Say, a person wants to have lots of money, but feels as though every rung of the success ladder must be ascended along the way. Consequently, some miserable spot one quarter of the way up the ladder becomes the goal, even though it is not the desired end at all.
As Michaelangelo said, “The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.”
When setting a goal, ignore the means, at least at first. Instead, start by sitting quietly and envisioning the desired outcome. (Sitting quietly can be a challenge in itself, for many reasons. Let me know if you have a problem with this, and we can probably find a solution.)
Once I am able to sit quietly and focus on my goal, I become conscious of my emotional response to the goal. Fear is usually the first thing to surface. First comes the fear that I will never be able to achieve my goal. This fear manifests as frantic energy in my body and an anxious mind trying to escape itself. After that, I realize an even greater fear, the fear of actually succeeding. For example, being the man I truly want to be, or know that I can be, actually kind of scares me, which is probably one reason why I tend to take small, incremental steps towards being my fully empowered self.
Once I have fully experienced and moved through these fearful responses, I can begin to imagine the joy of what it would feel like to reach my goal.
To envision the final outcome can take a lot of revision and refining. Perhaps someday I will be crystal clear on what I want on the first try, but for now, I still have to work at it.
For example, say my goal is financial wealth. For a long time, I wanted to be free of debt, and I wanted to have a large disposable income, and I wanted to achieve this in a way that did not involve sacrificing my principles. I was clear about this for a long time. Yet, if you would have asked me what my life would look like in this financially independent state, I would not have had a clear answer for you. I just wanted to no longer live in lack. Logically, however, this put the focus on the lack, which kept me in a condition of lack.
It was not until I started to imagine what I would do with my wealth that wealth started coming my way. The clearer I became on the amount of money I wanted at my disposal, and what I would do with it once it was in my hands, the more it became a reality, in the form of profit-making opportunities that I had not foreseen.
In order for actual money to come my way, I had to teach myself what it feels like to have lots of money.
Keep your eyes on the prize. Focus on the ends, and stay focused on them. Teach yourself what success feels like, and embrace that feeling.
The means will sort themselves out.
